fabglitter: want to hear all the latest briana-is-evil drama?
sparklyimp: oooh fun
fabglitter: heh yay
fabglitter: first of all, she **KNEW** that I was gone till the 29th,
because we discussed that when we talked about how I should borrow her car
while she was gone and return it to her. because she was getting back
before me. and i said very clearly and probably several times that i would
not get back till friday.
and yet, she called aeryn wedesnday morning and said "we just got back,
i'm thinking about bringing connor over later because he's been sick and i
don't know what to do with him."
fabglitter: AND she knows that aeryn is not supposed to watch connor
fabglitter: and aeryn said "no."
fabglitter: and hung up on her. possibly immediately. :)
fabglitter: and when i checked the messages on friday, there was a message
from briana at noon on wednesday saying - as if it were perfectly normal -
"hi aeryn, i'm just going to take a shower and then i'll bring connor over
there" and reiterating how it was because he was sick and she didn't know
what to do with him
fabglitter: hellloooo parenting. fucking a
fabglitter: and aeryn told me briana had been calling like eight times a
day over and over trying to get aeryn to pick up the phone
fabglitter: so that's story number one. lack of boundaries, stalking her,
etc. And she also left some messages about how we obviously didn't care
about anything because she "couldn't get us to call her back"
sparklyimp: that's asinine. why isn't aeryn supposed to watch him alone?
fabglitter: because (1) briana thinks aeryn is crazy and in fact i had to
battle with her extensively at one point because she was trying to say
that multiples couldn't watch kids and she didn't want aeryn around
connor, BUT she immediately forgets that as soon as it suits her to have
aeryn involved... (2) aeryn has trouble dealing with him for long amounts
of time especially because she's been dealing with a lot of child abuse
memories this past like six months or so and she had a lot of other
problems to deal with like major depression, so we made a list of all the
reasons why she shouldn't watch connor (like being afraid she wouldn't be
able to pay attention to him, take care of problems, that she'd yell at
him, etc.) and it's, like, a house rule that she doesn't watch him alone
till she learns how to take care of a kid properly.
fabglitter: but briana doesn't fucking care what rules we have
fabglitter: or what boundaries aeryn has
fabglitter: or anyone else
fabglitter: briana story number two:
get this get this... before she left, she had said that i should have
connor last sunday and this thursday or something, to replace some dates i
missed or i dunno what, and i said, um, you realize that's new year's eve
right? and she pointed out that she had had connor like the past five
holidays (mind you they're pagan, allegedly. come to that, i could make
the argument that i had him for solstice. neener on her. especially if she
insists on doing "family things" with him on mainstream holidays.) but she
said ok why don't you have him the 13th and 14th instead. and i said sure
that's probably fine, et cetera.
fabglitter: so she calls at 11 on new year's eve and leaves a message
saying she will bring connor over at noon so we can have him that
night. (which by the way is not night, damnit, it's night and afternoon
and in fact pretty much the whole entire day.)
fabglitter: i spam you with briana drama! :)
fabglitter: and of course we're like "oh shit! do not answer the door if
it rings!" and aeryn's like "i'm hungry. i'm going to taco bell." and
we're like "don't let her see you!!!"
(they said when they came back that every time they saw a white car they
freaked out thinking it was her :)
fabglitter: and she calls again at 12:45 saying that she'll be over soon
(so even if it had been okay for her to bring him over she's still playing
the "i have no regard for your schedule or the deadlines i set" game), and
then she spends like the ENTIRE rest of the day repeatedly calling and
calling and calling and calling and calling and never leaving a message.
fabglitter: ::pauses to let you catch up ;) ::
sparklyimp: dear lord, she's psychotic
fabglitter: like, we're all sitting in the living room playing a really
cool board game (it's like, everyone's name is on the board, and you pick
someone and read a card that's all 'imagine if Morgan Beth were a car,
which of these cars would she be') and we're like "imagine if... stop
calling, bitch! ... aron won an award... damnit briana!... would it be
(a) i'm going to fucking kill you if you don't stop calling...."
fabglitter: yeah she fucking is
fabglitter: and connor is a perceptive and sensistive young man with good
manners and boundaries (for a three year old) and it's not going to take
him long to realize she's totally insane
fabglitter: and then he's going to lose all respect for her
fabglitter: by the time he's like 8 :)
fabglitter: and then she'll realize she can't just use him as a source of
endless attention and unconditional love for herself whenever she wants
and she'll just dump him in our laps
fabglitter: but by then we'll have a house and we'll be totally fine with
sparklyimp: yeah! i heart connor!
sparklyimp: and houses are good
sparklyimp: i want one
fabglitter: so finally she leaves a
message... at like 8:20pm... and she says, get this... well actually, i
couldn't even understand what she was saying, i had to forward the message
to scott's voicemail and ask him to translate it... and it was so bad that
he immediately called me from minnefuckingsota to explain it to
me... apparently, what she said was that she was going to go out, and
connor (who just turned three) didn't want to get dressed and "couldn't
seem to keep it together," so she was just going to go out and leave him
there, and if we cared about him we should "come by and see how he's
doing" at some point.
scott thinks i should tell her that child protective services would be
real interested in that message. and that we should record it onto a hard
copy somewhere, like a cassette or something.
fabglitter: hm. you should move out here and get a house with us when
you're done with college
fabglitter: when jason and aeryn and morgan are done we're all going to
(allegedly) get a house. in like... i dunno, six or seven years :)
sparklyimp: ooh tempting
sparklyimp: and briana's a total psycho! *gets all protective on connor's
fabglitter: she is!
sparklyimp: The Victorian Sex Cry Generator
fabglitter: http://www.dss.cahwnet.gov/getser/cfscps.html, baby
fabglitter: ho;y shit, that's stunning
sparklyimp: "You bewitching vision, you have stolen my heart, my soul, and
fabglitter: it's so beautiful
sparklyimp: "Ah! I to a fucking do a martyr die!"????
sparklyimp: "O! O! O, I am dying."
fabglitter: ah! i die as a martyr to a fucking
fabglitter: except in fancy victorian word order
sparklyimp: hehehehehe. clitoris.
sparklyimp: oh god.
sparklyimp: yonis and linghams?
fabglitter: tell me aboutit
fabglitter: i think it's kind of cute, but scott can't fucking stand it :)
fabglitter: which is why connor uses penis and lingam interchangeably
fabglitter: which is a darn good thing in my opinion. i think he should at
least know it's also called a penis *eyeroll*
sparklyimp: well, it's all good when you're being all sexmagicky
fabglitter: and i think the reason she is so married to the term is partly
because her favorite lover is all into tantra and professional with it and
is teaching her tantric stuff
fabglitter: although i think one could make an argument that that makes it
kind of inappropriate to use with the kid
sparklyimp: i think sex with briana would be the scariest thing ever
fabglitter: i have this weird setup where most of the time i am totally
nauseated by the idea and then on queer high holy days (like the leather
fair last year, or dyke march) i suddenly think it would be fun. and then
the next day i'm like "jesus christ!!"
sparklyimp: she'd be all "of course i respect your boundaries! that's why
i will now smack your ass with a wolverine!"
fabglitter: we never actually do it fortunately
sparklyimp: that is good. i'd hate to see you in the hospital with
sparklyimp: hrm. i go bother angela :)
fabglitter: she also calls connor's underwear panties. and scott hates
that term as much as he hates "lingam/yoni" instead of penis and
vagina. and he's brought THAT up with her. after months of cringing every
time she tells connor to put his panties on. (and they're not even
underwear, they're training pants.) and finally he brought this up with
her and she explained that she uses it cause it's what she called
underwear when she was little, so she thinks of it as a little kid
thing. and he said something about it, like how she doesn't use it now or
something, and she said that the only thing she calls panties now are
those sexy lacy lingerie things. and we're like "how the fuck does that
make it a good name for what connor wears?!"
Physically, emotionally, and financially abused Aeryn when they were
Briana once had one of the above screaming fights with Aeryn in
person. We had been over there dropping Connor off or something and she
wanted us to stay and watch him and started fighting with Aeryn about
it. She finally screamed insults at us as we walked down the hallway,
yelled that we obviously didn't care about Connor, and slammed the door -
on his fingers. She ended up taking him to the hospital, which prompted
another series of frantic messages on her part.
Physically attacked Jason when he and Aeryn started going out,
slamming the bathroom door into him and then screaming and yelling at both
of them, threatening them with destruction of all their stuff and with
never seeing Connor again and never being able to come back if they left
Briana is obsessed with the idea that Connor has hearing
loss and a
speech impediment. Even when telling us about his visit to the doctor, she
remarked that the doctor had said he sounded like a typical two year old,
and yet she still insists that he will need speech therapy. This would be
less distressing if it weren't the replacement for her prior belief that
Connor's vocabulary and language skills are behind what they should be -
when actually, he's an impressive conversationalist, constantly repeats
new words to learn them, uses them later, and is capable of remembering
things that happened to him and describing them accurately later -
things which are a feather in the cap of children even older than
Connor. This indicates to me that she does not pay enough attention to him
and has very low expectations for him - and worst of all, she makes these
statements about him when he is in earshot.
Once, Briana had come to pick Connor up and was hanging out at our
house for a while. Connor was acting out (as he often does around her, to
get her attention) and kicked Damien in the calf because he was angry at
Briana. Briana took him into my room, with Aeryn, to put him in time
out. She was rough enough with him that she accidentally pinched his arm
hard, so he started crying. She had to soothe him and apologize and
convince him that it was an accident, and by the time she was done she'd
given up on the time out thing and let him return to the living room. When
I came in, he was playing happily by the sofa. I asked whether he'd
apologized to Damien and he and Briana said no. I asked Connor whether he
remembered what he'd done to get in time out and Briana interrupted to
announce that he couldn't remember something that long ago. I asked Connor
again and he told me that he'd kicked Damien. I asked him why and we
talked about how it wasn't okay for him to kick anyone just because he was
mad, and how it wasn't okay to kick Damien when he was mad at someone
else. And he apologized to Damien and Briana. But it really bugged me
that she was saying in front of him that he wasn't capable of doing
something that he does with us all the time, something as simple as
remembering what happened at most half an hour ago. It also bugged me that
she had hurt him in anger when taking him in time out, and I worry that
this happens more often than we see it.
After Connor's party at the metreon (at which she did not even enter
the wherethewildthingsare area for about three or four hours, while Connor
sprinted around with all her grownup friends) she told me that she wants
to take him here with like Serena or someone sometime and just let him
loose in the play area while she hangs out with her friend because he can
take care of himself in there.
aeryn and i were talking about the whole lingam-yoni
thing with her weird sexual undercurrents. and she remarked that that's
one of briana's things. and she pointed out that briana had a lot of the
same really fucked-up extensive abuse when she was little as aeryn
did. (since in aeryn's case tihs partly resulted in someone in her system
really wanting to hurt connor and she has to spend a lot of energy keeping
him back from connor.) and she told me that for a while briana kept on
going on about how her younger (middle) sister convinced everyone that
briana abused her when she was little and nobody would believe briana. and
that she wouldn't be surprised if briana were "bad." and i was like, yeah,
i could see briana just... not defining whatever she did to her sister as
abuse... well anyway i thought i'd share that new little... gem.
There were several times when I witnessed Briana saying "Connor, why
are you being such a BITCH" or "He's being really bitchy right now" before
I told her that I thought it was really inappropriate. He subsequently
called the cat bitchy and Briana for some reason was really shocked by
this. And she hasn't stopped using other inappropriate language around
Tanuja and Briana and Connor were all at a clothing swap at some
mutual friend's house and Tanuja walked into the back of the house and
discovered Briana and Connor, alone, with Briana screaming at
Connor. Screaming stuff about how he had something in his pants (we'll
assume it was in the pocket) and "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!?! WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL ME YOU HAD THAT IN YOUR PANTS?!"
March 01, 2001:
- Threw objects ranging from a glass of water or a thermos to a
vacuum cleaner at Aeryn, breaking the light off the vacuum. Physical
abuse pattern was to begin by yelling at her, then throw
things at her and yell some more, then hit her.
Sometimes it went straight to hitting. This was frequently in front of
Connor, although if it was after he went to bed she could really light
into Aeryn without distractions. Aeryn blames herself for many of these
because sometimes Aron would antagonize Briana - it was a defense
mechanism so that they would be abused and hit on their terms instead of
with the seeming randomness of prior abuse.
- Aeryn watched Connor all day for months while Briana worked. Briana
later repeatedly borrowed money from Aeryn for rent, always in the
position that if Aeryn did not lend her the money, Briana and Connor would
be evicted. Subsequently, Briana ended up making $40/hour (pre-tax
salary) and announced that she did not owe Aeryn any money because Aeryn
had been a burden on her life for long enough and had "sat around for
hours all day without even looking for a job" during those months. The
amount owed her had been $1700 (although up to $3000 at one point),
she began refusing to acknowledge her debts to Aeryn it had decreased to
about $900 because she had been paying Aeryn's part of the daycare fees
for some time. Additionally, when she refused to acknowledge the debts as
valid anymore, Aeryn was unemployed and struggling to get on disability.
- For about half a year after Aeryn moved in with me, Briana would go
through cycles involving getting mad at Aeryn about something, (like Aeryn
not being able to watch Connor on a given day), calling her
to have a screaming fight with her, and then leaving a series of abusive
messages on our machine which would culminate in threats to take Connor
and move in with Briana's (abusive) parents in Southern California,
(allegedly to include them leaving most of her unwanted posessions in her
apartment and giving no notice to the landlord), and then finally some
message like "Can you watch Connor on Thursday?" which completed the
mindfuck by making it seem like nothing had happened.
AerynBryce: i've never had someone make me feel like that. i mean,
AerynBryce: like, when we were with briana it was kinda like that. i
felt sorta like someone loved me and cared about me, but she didnt really,
she didnt even know i existed really. and she hurt us
fabglitter: all the time
AerynBryce: they wont ever tell you, but she hurt us a lot. more
than they ever tell you.
fabglitter: why don't you tell me?
AerynBryce: they dont really remember
AerynBryce: but i do
fabglitter: what has she done to you?
fabglitter: ::cute puppy face::
AerynBryce: she hit us a lot, and stuff like that, but she also did
AerynBryce: like, leaving us places where we didnt know where we were
or how to get home, and then comeing back after a while, to scare us and
stuff so we do what she wants
fabglitter: places like where?
AerynBryce: in southern california. and in san francisco a few times
before we knew our way around
fabglitter: like in stores, and driving off? or what?
AerynBryce: like she would start yelling and then just leave and not
let us in the car
fabglitter: oh my
AerynBryce: and then after a while she would come back and get us.
fabglitter: like hours later?
AerynBryce: we would have to wait right where she left us or else we
would be afraid she wouldnt find us when she came back
AerynBryce: yeah, sometimes hours, not usually that long tho. but
once in so. cal. she left us at a coffee shop for like five hours, we thot
she would never come back.
AerynBryce: and then when she comes back she act like nothing happend
AerynBryce: and just tell us to shut up if we mention it
fabglitter: i've seen her do that. throw a huge fit and then act like
AerynBryce: so mostly we just make us forget
fabglitter: what kinds of things would she get mad about?
AerynBryce: she done other things too. break our stuff or throw it
away. stuff that is imortant to us.
AerynBryce: i dont remember. we always seem to make her mad about
something. she always wanting us to do things so she can be lazy.
fabglitter: like when the people broke your bowl last night?
fabglitter: not last night
fabglitter: the other day
AerynBryce: yes exactly like taht
AerynBryce: she broke some of the other ones
fabglitter: on purpose?!
fabglitter: how'd she break them? that would be hard
AerynBryce: well, she pretend it wasnt
AerynBryce: or we convince ourselves it was accident, and she just not
disagree, is more like it
fabglitter: what would she do if she wasn't pretending it was an
AerynBryce: well, or the mugs she broke by throwing it at us
AerynBryce: one of them
AerynBryce: i dunno
fabglitter: did she break anything else by throwing it at you?
AerynBryce: i dont wanna talk about this anymore
fabglitter: well thank you for talking to me about it