I love socks. I love a good sock on my foot. Socks are wonderful objects. They warm and fuzzle your feet.

A bad sock is a dreadful thing. Bad socks are too thin, or absorb all your foot-sweat and get *moist*. Some socks get holes in them, which is not their fault and does not automatically mean they were bad - but they are bad now! It is sad.

Good socks are thick, and warm, and soft, and fuzzy. The very best kind of sock is a slipper sock, which is both warm and niftily equipped with skippy things on the soles so you don't slip.

Socks love your toes. They keep them warm and safe. They love the bottoms of your feet and even your ankles.

The tops of your feet can fend for themselves.

Some people have hair there to protect them.

Socks come in neat colors. White socks are okay (boo on white socks!) but socks should take the opportunity to entertain you via your feet. Stripes! Glitter! Glow in the dark horseshoes! Some are made of neat stuff to be extra-good to your feet, like hemp (very soft!) or thick fuzzy yarn, or that strange soft-thin dress-sock stuff. It says, "I am like nylons for men! Ssh don't tell! Much as cologne is their perfume!"

When you put your feet into a pair of good socks - one at a time! two is tricky! - they should make your feet feel loved and cared for and ready to take on the world. Activist socks! Loving foot armor! I would like to see a circus act where people put on two socks at a time, on separate feet. I bet you can not do it!

Simultaneous sockage: the future of socks.

Socks to the rescue! Go put on your favorite socks and love your feet today!