pic of
lil shroomies
Melissa: She's paying $1050 for her apartment. I mean, she makes a lot more, but still, you don't want to spend money on that--
Diane: You want to spend it on hookers and booze!

"Yeah aidan, you're a black hole of emotional despair. I've been meaning to tell you since i met you."

"If they can't recognize a 6 foot tall black woman after three fucking months, they have bigger problems than security." - Diane on the new photo-badge policies.

me: i wasn't saying it was IMPROBABLE that she'd want to marry a texan man. i was saying that it was improbably that getting married would in any way turn her into a texan man
diane: that's what you think
diane: think outside the box aidan
diane: sheesh
me: it's true, it's been a while since i took biology
diane: anything is possible
diane: and it's easy to change your accent
diane: believe me
diane: i'm from nigeria!
me: and there are operations for the rest
diane: true that
diane: so really
diane: what's to stop jackie
diane: from becoming a texan man
diane: except her imagination
me: she really is thinking outside the box
me: LOL
diane: we should be more like her

diane: did i tell you that i got to write a term paper on shaft? and i got to use the phrase 'bad motherfucker' in my thesis.
me: ooo.
diane: my premise was that shaft - the opening credits were set up to say that shaft is a 'bad motherfucker.' and the rest of the movie went on to prove it.
me: and what did you get on this paper?
diane: an A!!
me: and what does this teach us?
diane: that life is fair!

"My sympathy is limited to the words 'Bite me.'"

"Does she just turn off when you're not touching her?!" - in frustration at a computer that appears to always be shut down

"she is a total bitch.
tell all your friends i said so."
- Diane on Bitchcakes.

(allan comes over and stands by diane's desk making punching noises)
me: oh no! there's going to be a big fight!
allan: I know I'd lose.

diane: live in the world, aidan!
me: i don't wanna live in the world! it's not pretty!
diane: (with bitter sarcasm) but it includes hourly useage data info!!

"Start the afternoon off right with some butt humor."

fabgl: "Hello Corp Web!
Matt Kellner wants you to check out the hottest desktop application available for free download on the 'Net today!"
fabgl: "You guys ought to check out this program. =) It`s a great way to stay up-to-date on local weather."
fabgl: *shoots him*
trophyboy: anyone who talks about himself in the third person
trophyboy: has BIG problems
trophyboy: matt kellner wants
fabgl: i think it's an automatic spam generator
trophyboy: what matt kellner can't have
trophyboy: i know
fabgl: eeewwww tho
trophyboy: i was just being sarcastic
trophyboy: matt kellner
trophyboy: thinks
trophyboy: that matt kellner
trophyboy: should get a promotion
fabgl: LOL
fabgl: i should reply and say "are you INSANE?"
trophyboy: to which he would answer:
trophyboy: "would you like to see my log analyzer tool?"
fabgl: eeeeeeeeeew
fabgl: "i just updated it today!"
trophyboy: heh heh
trophyboy: ugh
fabgl: "this is version 9.9.9.9!! there will be more new developments tomorrow!!!!"
fabgl: " = ) "
trophyboy: i wouldn't be surprised if he updated in his pants

Diane, reading this web page: "I sound funnier online."

"I want a hovership. That would be exciting. Then I could be a pirate of the stars."

On an annyoing coworker: "Maybe he thinks he's a super spy and the time he wastes doing logs is taking away from his time hunting criminals in the french riviera."

"People are art."

"Someday I wanna be a big gnarly bastard. That's like my goal in life. That's my resume objective."

"in my off time i'm checking the classifieds for housing - my dream, of course, is to find a rent-controlled two bedroom apartment with hardwood floors and crystal chandelliers. instead all we've seen are tool sheds with carpeting and a hot plate."

"I am the physical manifestation of righteous indignation."

"All my jewelry comes from the hardware store."

"Chimp plus spacesuit equals good times."

"Ok, like, Real Life 101: Girls have valuable things to say."

trophyboyfriend: jeeves is so wham bam thank you ma'am
trophyboyfriend: without the thank you
scott: yes insead of thank u he fires yer ass
trophyboyfriend: pretty much - aidan got the money on the dresser
trophyboyfriend: and jeeves was gone in the morning
trophyboyfriend: that's some cold shit

"when you volunteer at an anarchist colletctive, it's very hard to get someone to tell you what to do."

"It isn't a tea party until someone yells 'Yeah! Suck that cock!'"

diane: awesine
diane: i meant
diane: awesome
diane: but that looked like a cross between awesome and asinine
dani: hee hee hee
dani: it's the sine of awesome
diane: exactly - i am the square root of cool

now, you may go read even more entertaining quotes, by damien and shahn and andy workman and ann and morgan and chris, or go offsite and read syela's writings or brandon.guggenheim.org or something else that will make your brain explode with wondrousness.