Melissa: She's paying $1050 for her apartment. I mean, she makes a lot
more, but still, you don't want to spend money on that--
Diane: You want to spend it on hookers and booze!
"Yeah aidan, you're a black hole of emotional despair. I've been meaning
to tell you since i met you."
"If they can't recognize a 6 foot tall black woman after three fucking
months, they have bigger problems than security." - Diane on the new
me: i wasn't saying it was IMPROBABLE that she'd want to marry a texan
man. i was saying that it was improbably that getting married would in any
way turn her into a texan man
diane: that's what you think
diane: think outside the box aidan
me: it's true, it's been a while since i took biology
diane: anything is possible
diane: and it's easy to change your accent
diane: believe me
diane: i'm from nigeria!
me: and there are operations for the rest
diane: true that
diane: so really
diane: what's to stop jackie
diane: from becoming a texan man
diane: except her imagination
me: she really is thinking outside the box
diane: we should be more like her
diane: did i tell you that i got to write a term paper on shaft? and i got
to use the phrase 'bad motherfucker' in my thesis.
diane: my premise was that shaft - the opening credits were set up to
that shaft is a 'bad motherfucker.' and the rest of the movie went on to
me: and what did you get on this paper?
diane: an A!!
me: and what does this teach us?
diane: that life is fair!
"My sympathy is limited to the words 'Bite me.'"
"Does she just turn off when you're not touching her?!" - in frustration
at a computer that appears to always be shut down
"she is a total bitch.
tell all your friends i said so."
- Diane on Bitchcakes.
(allan comes over and stands by diane's desk making punching noises)
me: oh no! there's going to be a big fight!
allan: I know I'd lose.
diane: live in the world, aidan!
me: i don't wanna live in the world! it's not pretty!
diane: (with bitter sarcasm) but it includes hourly useage data info!!
"Start the afternoon off right with some butt humor."
fabgl: "Hello Corp Web!
Matt Kellner wants you to check out the hottest desktop application
available for free download on the 'Net today!"
fabgl: "You guys ought to check out this program. =) It`s a great
way to stay
up-to-date on local weather."
fabgl: *shoots him*
trophyboy: anyone who talks about himself in the third person
trophyboy: has BIG problems
trophyboy: matt kellner wants
fabgl: i think it's an automatic spam generator
trophyboy: what matt kellner can't have
trophyboy: i know
fabgl: eeewwww tho
trophyboy: i was just being sarcastic
trophyboy: matt kellner
trophyboy: that matt kellner
trophyboy: should get a promotion
fabgl: i should reply and say "are you INSANE?"
trophyboy: to which he would answer:
trophyboy: "would you like to see my log analyzer tool?"
fabgl: "i just updated it today!"
trophyboy: heh heh
fabgl: "this is version 126.96.36.199!! there will be more new
fabgl: " = ) "
trophyboy: i wouldn't be surprised if he updated in his pants
Diane, reading this web page: "I sound funnier online."
"I want a hovership. That would be exciting. Then I could be a pirate of
On an annyoing coworker: "Maybe he thinks he's a super spy and the time
he wastes doing logs is
taking away from his time hunting criminals in the french riviera."
"People are art."
"Someday I wanna be a big gnarly bastard. That's like my goal in
life. That's my resume objective."
"in my off time i'm checking the classifieds for housing - my dream, of
to find a rent-controlled two bedroom apartment with hardwood floors and
chandelliers. instead all we've seen are tool sheds with carpeting and a
"I am the physical manifestation of righteous indignation."
"All my jewelry comes from the hardware store."
"Chimp plus spacesuit equals good times."
"Ok, like, Real Life 101: Girls have valuable things to say."
trophyboyfriend: jeeves is so wham bam thank you ma'am
trophyboyfriend: without the thank you
scott: yes insead of thank u he fires yer ass
trophyboyfriend: pretty much - aidan got the money on the dresser
trophyboyfriend: and jeeves was gone in the morning
trophyboyfriend: that's some cold shit
"when you volunteer at an anarchist colletctive, it's very hard to get
someone to tell you what to do."
"It isn't a tea party until someone yells 'Yeah! Suck that cock!'"
diane: i meant
diane: but that looked like a cross between awesome and
dani: hee hee hee
dani: it's the sine of awesome
diane: exactly - i am the square root of cool