My Secrets

Okay: I have a swiss bank account, my real name is Svetlana, i am actually thirty-seven years old, and I'm Swedish. I used to work in a circus (yes, as a trapeze artist) under the name Marcia Wood which is where my lunchbox label truly originated. I am not hetero, homo, bi, or polysexual, having no sexual desires other than the wish to shave men's scrotums one after another for eternity. In fact, I am paying for Mills, and filling my Swiss account, by regularly shaving Bill Gates'. He attributes his success to the magic of my razorblade, but in private I fantasize about bringing about the crushing collapse of capitalism with one swift agonizing FLICK. (Now you know all of my secrets.)

This is how I first realized i was bisexual. i was watching the news and this INCREDIBLY SEXY GUY came on... i didn't even hear the story, i was so moonstruck... after about twenty minutes of like... his talking head interspersed with this really really titillating shots of, you know.. small countries being taken over, economies destroyed, people's computers crashing over and Over and OVER.... well, i almost orgasmed. then i realized it was bill gates and well, i just HAD to have him. now i'm his stalker.

pic of some chips

pic of some chips

pic of some chips

One of my pet peeves is the fact that nobody gets taught about this bi thing, nobody hears about it except as something gays do before they come out, or straights do when they want to be "exotic," or strippers and erotic movies do just to attract more customers. Nobody mentions that it's all that, AND a whole separate sexual orientation and culture, AND a bag of chips.

I realize that most people are more in touch with their own emotions and attractions than I am. They don't need sources and references to know what they might be. Go away, all of you! :-) (soon i will have here my page of all the different ways there are to be bi. until then, here is a happy poem for you.)

since feeling is first

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers.  Don't cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

e. e. cummings

Really new crap: the Chris and Andy quote pages. Fun for the whole family. And the newest projects: The Bi Rant, the first in a whole bisexual site and a crusade to make people stop using "lesbigay" the way it's pronounced, i.e. to mean "let's just be gay, screw the rest of you." Also, the Frathouse, our apartmental webpage. And of course Spokestranny, a series of fake ads I'm making using trannies to advertise stuff. please note: i don't actually support all these products. especially the SUV. Also: Net.Spider Productions has now been launched! You may now save time and energy by paying me to search the net for you. Oh the joy. Oh be still, my little heart!